subsomatic
Rage Against the Machine – Know Your Enemy
Mint Royale – My Heart Is Beating Fast
Film Noir World – Sleeping City
Infected Mushroom – Artillery
Quantic – Trouble from the River
01/26/02
blah blah blah blah blah.
So much to write - so little motivation to write it. I feel like I've been in a rut for the past week or so and I'm taking it out in all the wrong places. I've managed to argue with almost everyone I care about regarding stupid shit that really doesn't matter and I wish I wouldn't. But I can't seem to stop. It's like I have no control over the words that come out of my mouth or the tone that I'm using. The past two days have been a little bit better so I hope that means that there is a quick coming end to my shitiness. Who knows. If you do, please tell me.
School is boring. The net is boring. My habits are killing me. But whatever. I'll be out of this bullshit soon.
I'm really not this negative.
Have a good day for me.
01/22/02
Here's my super aggressive scary listening music for the evening that goes right along with my mood! DON'T PISS ME OFF!
Strapping Young Lad - AAA
Devy in the Corner of his teen year
Born to run away
Children in the middle with the village idiot
So he never made the potty grade
Now maybe he pulled a little closer
Cold in a mousy way
Boom Boom as they came a little closer
Put a bolt in the curse today
Now Devy has to eat it in his own way
Broke in a dirty way
Boom Boom is the beating that I hear in the night
But no one hears, so no one no and no one fucks with
me
Devy wants a word with the master
I got no need to run away
Down on the road isn't easy,
But I never would back away...
Boom Boom in the morning with the night sounds
No way to run away
Boom Boom as the boredom of monogamy
Hits one more time...
No one must know...
No one must know...
No one must know...
No one must know this machine...
Devy got a taste of some black shit
Born in another way
And it probably would have been easy,
But it never worked out that way
Boom Boom in the corner with the well - soiled
Bound to amalgamate
Boom Boom as it kills the inhibitions
...no more games
No one must know...
I stole the lyrics from darklyrics.com. HUGE archive of lyrics for heavy metal if you're looking for anything. If there are mistakes in here, let them know - not me.
Hopefully I'll be in a better mood tomorrow.
01/20/02
I'm dying my hair blue. Enough of this one colour thing. I'm bored after less than a month. It's turned into a 2 day project 'cuz it took quite some time to bleach it, plus I'm doing chunks in random places, my bangs, and the very bottom of my hair. Yesterday was bleach and half the blue is in right now. Quite an ordeal, actually.
Craig was down for the weekend. Wonderful as always to see him. Unfortunately he's gone back to Sudbury (and I've finally got my computer back from him playing Civ half the time he was here). So, back to playstation and smoking a lot.
Meh, I'm sure there's 20 million more things I could write on here if I actually tried but I'm gonna go play some playstation.
01/16/02
snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow
Sometimes I really dislike Ontario. I thought winter was over! Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy the snow. But not today. Everytime I step outside I get wet. Maybe it's the phat pants I really hate. Ah well.
01/14/02
I dropped my 9:30 a.m. class tonight. I just can't get up that early. 10:00 - I can do this...I'm not entirely sure what the difference is, but there seems to be one.
I've been super antsy for the past week or so. I feel like I need to start some big project or something. I have a feeling I've got some artistic shit stored up in my system that desperately wants to come out. Unfortunately this poses two problems; I'm not even close to being artistic and I have no clue what I actually want to create. Oh, and there's a third problem, I'm completely broke and it's hard to create something when you have no materials with which to create. Craig was talking about paper maché for a while so I might be inspired to that sometime soon, but that can't get to big. I was trying to make some stuff on Fruity Loops a couple days ago but I've almost given up on that as of today. Goddamn it, I need inspiration. And money. Arg.
01/12/02
ich habe kein leben.
oder nachrichten.
I am not German, but I am angry (sometimes).
01/08/02 - a little later
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20% - 30% (Goth) Depressed, mopey, but largely non-violent. You're fully aware that life sucks, but it's more like a fashion thing to you - you can take it or leave it. A healthy interest in the dark and evil, but *could try harder*. |
LAUGHING MY ASS OFF!!!!
Who would have guessed?!
01/08/02
I'm full swing back into school and it pretty much sucks. I've got early morning classes everyday and I'm just not used to getting up so early. It's not all bad, tho. Matte wakes me up every morning ('cuz he's one of those early morning people) and brings me coffee ;P. Yay Matte.
League pool started tonight. I got my ass pretty whooped but not as badly as I thought I would. We lost, but had fun - and it was our first time playing so everyone was pretty nervous.
Simon has just informed me that my laundry has been sitting in the machine for 2 days. Oops. I'm a fucking slob.
I managed to completely space out for once today. I was in the Keg waiting for my last class and feeling irritated by the world, and extremly tired. I lay down on the bench to try and calm myself down but was positioned in such a way that my view was of the sky, straight out the window. I thought about the summer and pretended I was lying in a canoe (which would account for the discomfort of the bench). For about two minutes, I managed to block out all the sound of a busy restaraunt/bar. Then I went to class and went back to feeling like shit, but for those two minutes, I was extremely content. Yay me.
01/06/02
So my arms are pretty tired and it's kinda hard to type right now cuz I've been drumming for a while.
Had a bit of a break down last night. I'm a little disturbed that I can't vent on here since that's what this space is supposed to be for but I don't want to fuck things up any more than they seem to be and I think that may happen if certain people read the stuff that I could write. If that made any sense.
Re-evaluating my situation again. I think I'm turing a little tragic which I'm not happy about. I figure that, generally speaking, people try to make the worst of certain situations just to add some excitement or 'difference' to their lives. I also think tragedy is a shitty form of change so I try not to fall into the whole tragic lifestyle thing. Who knows. I think I've got to leave soon tho. I definitely need a semester off before I get my degree. I figure to finish the whole thing will take me at least another 3 years. I don't think I can sit still for that long. Maybe the summer will help tho. Who knows.
Made this (I lost it..sorry) last night. My attempts at artsyness. I love the guy that did the image in the background. I've got another one of his pictures, or at least part of it, tattooed on my body.
School starts Monday. Guess I should do some reading.
01/05/02
More Buddhist Wisdom
If you seek after truth, you should investigate things in such a way that your consciousness as you investigate is not distracted by what you find, or diffused and scattered; neither is it fixed and set. For the one who is not swayed, there will be a transcending of birth, death, and time.
Whether you walk or stand or lie down,
Stretch your limbs or draw them in again,
Let you do all these things attentively,
Above, across, and back again.
Whatever your place in the world,
Let you be the one who views the movement
Of all compounded things with attention.
-Itivuttaka Sutta
01/04/02
Daily Buddhist Wisdom (I get it in my mail every day ;p)
If your heart has blossomed
& given birth to a wish
for what can't be expressed,
your mind not enmeshed
in sensual passions:
you're said to be
in the up-flowing stream.
-Dhammapada, 16, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.
01/03/02
So here I am at 4 am when I've got a class tomorrow at 9:30 am. I'm really not cut out for this early morning stuff. On top of all that, I'm playing with my hotmail settings. I soon realized that I was planning on doing an update and switched to that.
So Craig's gone. He left this afternoon at 2 after a slightly prolongued departure - he was suppsoed to leave yesterday at around 10 pm. Wish he could have stayed longer but I suppose these are the trials of long distance emotion. It's kind of rough when you know you care so much about someone but its hard to remember that emotion when all you do is talk on the phone. Speaking of which, I hate talking on the phone. Not about ready to give up on everything tho, cuz...well, I'm not goingto get cheesy on the internet - that's not what this page is about. regarless, after spending a week together straight, I'm going through a little bit of withdrawl.
Classes started today. I've got the pre-work excitement that I always get around 'special classes'. You figure out all the cool stuff you're going to learn and don't think about how much of a pain in the ass it's going to be to learn it.
I should probably go to bed. Cam should be up regularly now. Back to my pathetic life online.
01/02/02
Well well. Happy New Year all. I guess I'll archive tomorrow or something. Craig's down so I'm a *little* pre-occupied and don't feel like doing web shit right now. That and the fact that my boyfriend has taken over my computer to play Civilization 3. Argggg... (Craig:i came here for sex and vids....thats all...teehee...)
Typical. Anyways, I shall do a better update when I have more time. Leaving with the hope that everyone had a good New Years and holidays and stuff and is ready to get back into the monotonous routine that I call life...