subsomatic

When you feel a bad bout of depressive anger coming on, start cleaning. There’s an endless amount of cleaning to be done in this house and the productivity helps.

Does love have to be complicated? It’s such a beautiful emotion that carries so much weight. Can it simply be pared down to just a positive feeling that can be simply enjoyed?

I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to actually in control of one’s own life. Even if you have all the pieces perfectly mapped out, which no one does, there are so many contributing factors that can fuck everything in an instant.

I think I’m just going to drop off the radar for a while.

I am freshly tattooed and coming down with a bad cold. This morning is full of hurt.

Why do the things that feel so good always have to be wrong?

You know what I miss about having a boyfriend? Especially Shay? Over-sized, super comfy, hooded sweatshirts. I think I’m going to the mall tomorrow. #independance

I just had what seems to me right now as a life altering realization (which in probability isn’t that big of a deal).

I’m a dreamer. I like to imagine directions that my life might take and I get really excited about those ideas and options. I also like being in control of my life; taking steps to realizing those dreams. I’m optimistic that if I try and make things happen, they will. Up until now, I’ve had a lot of disappointment because things haven’t worked out as planned in many cases.

Enter the realization: I cannot control all aspects of those dreams because in most cases they involve factors which I have no control over, namely other peoples’ actions. I have failed to factor in the co-operation of other parties involved.

I’m left at a bit of a loss. I have no solution or idea as to how to either change my behaviour or change other peoples’ actions. I guess I just wait until those two things align.

1. I cannot control when he sleeps.
2. I cannot wait for him to take initiative and be disappointed when things don’t happen.

This list will most likely grow.