These times are hard right now, so it seems. I wonder often if it has always felt this way for adults, or if it really is one crisis after another as we head towards collapse. I’ve asked my parents and they say this feels different, but I wonder if it’s just because we’re able to see *everything* because of instant access to international news and media.

I started writing a new, longer essay about the journey to find happiness amid all this sadness. I started writing it last week and haven’t touched it since. But it’s there. And I think I’ll keep writing when I need to get thoughts down.

It might take a while.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep writing anymore. I know that I’ve identified that writing is a personal practice for me but sometimes I feel that adding another white, colonial, western voice to the world is actually doing damage rather than good. Sometimes my worries and thoughts and opinions seem so irrelevant and pretentious that they’re not worth writing down. Sometimes I’m embarrassed that I ever wrote anything down at all and think about coming and deleting it all.

Last week I watched a document by Werner Herzog called Wheel of Time which explores the largest Buddhist ritual in Bodh Gaya, India. It was humbling and reminded me of the limited world view in which I am situated. It reminded me that none of these insights or thoughts that I’m having are unique or new or even really that important. I felt a complex set of emotions watching so many folks devote themselves so deeply into practice, and even that there was a culture that supported this devotion.

Especially when I live in a culture that scorns that deep devotion and promotes endless capitalist expansion at the expense of all else.

This week I’m watching another documentary from the fine folks at Happen Films. They released their 2018 film called Living The Change on Youtube this week and it is helping re-inspire me to continue on this journey towards simpler living and community building at the local level. My friend Helen also reminded me that folks do look to others on social media and the internet for inspiration, but it’s important that those that influence others keep themselves in check.

So I’m still here and I’m still going to make mistakes and I’ll likely spend a good chunk of time regretting things I’ve published in the past as I continue to learn and grow. I’m going to try and remember my position of privilege as I write and never be prescriptive in the ideas I write about.